3 - Thelema - Abbey of Thelema

Though not widely reported, each year (on 01 December) a small troupe of devoted disciples who, over the last sixty-two years, have in their own unique ways strived ceaselessly to raise awareness of their departed Master, gather at GolgOTOha (which, in Hebrew, means the place of skulks) to re-enact the deification of Aleister Crowley. At dawn on the appointed morning, the soul of each attendee is weighed against four feathers. The most obese is ritually Crowleyfied on a cross especially crafted from pulped legal bills. At the moment of death it is traditional for the newly-affixed saint to cry out, “Crowley, why hast thou forsaken us” accompanied by a discordant chant of, “I’m OTO… No I’m OTO… Fuck off we’re OTO…” from the assembled masses. The mortal remains are then divinely transmuted (with one eye on calorie-counting and the other on not being next year’s main course) into Lite Cakes for symbolic consumption as sacraments at the ensuing feast. Any leftovers are listed on the Internet auction web-site, eBay.